When He Speaks...

This past weekend was a strange one.  After going to bed Friday night, I woke up around 1 a.m. to feed Nell.  As I got back in bed and laid on my side, I instantly had a tightness in my chest, the feeling of my stomach dropping, and a strange numbness going through my right arm.  I had no idea what was going on.  I sat up as the strange feeling in my arm continued.  I was also getting flush every few minutes or so.  This was not a pleasant feeling.  I am almost convinced that I threw myself into a panic/anxiety attack as my mind starting considering the possibilities of what was happening to me. 

Jeremy had fallen asleep in Nell's room with her since she had cried out during this episode of mine.  I quietly went in and woke him so that I could share how strange I was feeling.  I just felt the need to head to the local ER to get things checked out.  I even had chewed half of an aspirin and drank some water.  Of course the number one thought was that I might be having a heart attack.  At 33, is that even possible?!

I drove to our local ER and I'm sure they thought I was crazy.  The nurse even asked me what I thought might be happening.  I think she was trying to help me realize that I probably was not having a heart attack.  One can't help but have a ton of thoughts flooding through about whether or not this is it.  I don't know what was going on with me.  I just knew I didn't feel right.

After being there for a few hours and having an X-Ray, blood work, and an EKG, which ruled out a heart attack, I was starting to settle down a bit.  My arm still felt strange along with my back and neck.  The doctor told me everything looked fine and sent me on my way with instructions to come back if the tightness came back.

The next day was better.  I still felt a little off.  Then it hit me.  No, not the heart attack (still thanking the Lord for that one), but possibly the real reason for the strangeness.  I started reading about nerve damage and nerve issues which had symptoms very similar to mine.  I am not surprised that this may be the cause to all of this.  I have been either wearing a nursing bra or a nursing tank for the last 9+ months.  I even have indentations in my shoulders from this. 

That evening, I went to bed with a t-shirt and no nursing tank.  I needed to let these shoulders 'breathe.'  I felt so much better in the morning.  Physically, that is.  Emotionally I was still quite a wreck.  I had 'heard' some Bible verses the night before but kind of wrote it off thinking I would look them up tomorrow.  Well, as tomorrow came and I was sitting in my rocking chair, I very clearly 'heard' those verses again.  Psalm 34:14 and Psalm 34:4.  With that, I grabbed my Bible (The Message) to read these verses.  You see, things like this have happened before and then I chalk it up to my mind just making something up.  BUT when I read these verses, I knew it was God speaking to me.

The Message
Psalm 34:14  "Turn your back on sin; do something good.  Embrace peace--don't let it get away!"
Psalm 34:4    "God met me more than halfway, he freed me from my anxious fears."

WOW.

Yes, that was totally God.  I needed peace and I needed to meet Him halfway so that he could free me from my anxious fears.  Before reading these verses, I was fearful.  I was anxious.  I was definitely not at peace.  I'm so thankful that I listened to Him and grabbed my Bible.  After reading and re-reading this and then the NIV version, I was at peace.  He did calm my anxious fears.  What an awesome God He is. 

NIV
Psalm 34:14  "Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it."
Psalm 34:4    "I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears."

Double WOW.

So as my anxious thoughts reappear I put my focus back on these verses and His promise to free me from it. 

I found myself praying a lot these past few days.  I also found myself realizing that I need to make some changes.  You see, I have an addiction.  My addiction is sugar.  If I make a dessert, I tend to eat most of it.  If I have chocolate around, I tend to eat most of it.  You get the picture, right?  You see, I was asking God to help me with this just a couple days before my strange episode.  I am pretty sure He had a hand in this to help me wake up and realize the bad choices I was making for my body and that if I continue this road, the realization of a heart attack (or diabetes, etc.) would be real and not just something that might be happening to me.

I've since changed my eating habits quite a bit.  I still struggle.  I even had some pizza.  But this time I stopped at two slices and that was enough.  I listen to the cues my body is giving me.  I made chicken quesadillas last night.  I was almost half way through mine when I realized that I was full.  Since sweets are a real downfall for me, I bought some dark chocolate squares.  I have limited myself to one a day and have followed through with it.  I feel better.  I even think my skin is looking better.  Imagine how I will feel in a month. 

I'm so thankful.  I'm thankful that I have an awesome God who still speaks to us today.

When He Speaks, I Will Listen.

Here I Go

Here I am with a blog.  I decided to just go ahead and do it.  I don't know what all I will share but it will be straight from the heart.  You may wonder where 'Outobutter' comes from for my blog name.  I don't have a fancy explanation.  One day in college I needed a screen name and that is what was born.  Therefore, I thought it only fitting to keep it rather than come up with some other clever name.  :)

This week will begin our first payment toward debt reduction in a big way.  Hubs and I are on a mission.  We want to get rid of our debt (other than the mortgage) in 3 1/2 years.  I'm a little bit embarrassed to share that we have almost $58,000 in debt.  Nine years of college combined, two newer cars, and a personal loan for the woodstove have led us to this point.  We know it needs to change.  I've laid out a plan and we are moving forward with excitement.

I actually really enjoy budgeting and the like.  Maybe I missed a calling to help others with debt??  Perhaps this could be a way for me to help on a smaller scale.  I would love for my mistakes and accomplishments to be an inspiration for others.  If we can set up a plan to get rid of $58,000 of debt in three and a half years, I'm certain that you can make a plan to do the same.  Do I expect everything to go smoothly?  I think that would be foolish.  However, I do plan to stick to our budget and do my part to make sure we can follow this plan to the best of our abilities. 

First thing is first, according to Dave Ramsey, is to set aside $1000 in an emergency fund.  Check.  Thankfully, we were able to take money from our taxes to have this done quickly.  It may take some of you months to accomplish this.  It's okay.  We all need to start somewhere.  Truth is, there will be things that come up along the way.  Instead of having to take away from what we are paying on our loans, we will have the emergency fund for that.  A few ideas to get that emergency fund ready would be to have a garage sale, sell things on Craigslist or eBay, trim the grocery or eating out budget, or simply stop buying those things we want but that we don't actually need.  There will be time for that later on.  I recently re-evaluated our eating out budget.  I was budgeting $120/month.  After I started a menu that we stick to, we now eat out about once every two weeks.  I can cut that budget in half and instantly save $60/month.  That ends up being $720/year.  Wow!  So much money is wasted from eating out and we want to use that pay off debt!

Here's what our first goal looks like:

Student Loan #1: Current payoff is $4505.15 with 5.375% interest
With our first paycheck for the month of May we will be paying $631.53.  The goal is to pay that each month and have this loan paid off in November of this year instead of paying $100 payment for another five years.  Once this loan is paid off we will take the $631.53 and add it to what is already being paid on another loan.  In this case, it will be our loan on the woodstove.  We're tackling the lowest loan first, no matter the interest rate. 

I also like the idea of sharing this all in a blog to help keep myself accountable.  My family and our future is worth it.  So is yours.