Even when it's expected, it's still hard. My grandmother went to be with Jesus on July 5, 2014. Oh how I miss her. Granted, her health had been declining for quite awhile and I wasn't visiting nearly as much as I would have liked. I still miss her. While still here on earth, it feels so final now that she is gone. I'm thankful to know that I will see her again when the Lord decides to take me home too.
There are so many wonderful memories stored in my mind and old ones keep popping up. I've had a great time remembering our special times together and I want to try and capture some of those in this blog post.
--The greatest thing I will take away from my time with my grandmother was her love for Jesus. She shared it so openly and freely. I hope I can be more like her so that I can share the Lord with others.
--I loved breakfast with Grammy and Grampy. Grammy would make scrambled eggs and sprinkle them with paprika. Although she mainly did it for color (she loved adding color to her food) it gave them such a wonderful flavor. Then add the buttered toast. Yum. Breakfast was memorable.
--Grammy loved to tell stories. She had such an incredible memory. She and I are not alike when it comes to that. I fail to remember details and she was so full of them. I can still hear her sharing the story of Brett when he was a kid asking, "Do you like mustard, Grammy?" But the way she said it was so much better than me just writing it down.
--She was a lover of Shanghai. We would always play cards after dinner. I remember doing so poorly that I decided I would just try for the high score rather than win. Grammy was a serious player and no one really wanted to sit by her because she would always buy the card right out from underneath our noses. I always wanted her to give me a little slack...but that wouldn't have been teaching me anything. She was an honest player and usually won because of it. Over the years, she started to lose track of her buys in the game and ended up with a few cards too many. The other players would generally give each other questioning looks and just smile. Man do I miss her.
--I think it may have been the Christmas of 2007, the year that Grampy passed away, when we had Grammy over to my parents' and we actually had her playing Wii bowling with us. I can still remember her laugh. It was just about the cutest thing ever. She never really quite got the hang of it but what a memory it is.
--I think my lack of willingness to kill animals (bugs,etc.) stems from fishing trips with Grammy and Grampy. Oh how they loved to fish. They knew God provided these fish for them but I saw the fish as helpless. It was hard for me to process as a kid. I may or may not be scarred for life. ;) I can still remember their table in the basement where they would take the fish. I don't know if anyone could scale a fish quite like Grammy. Then she would pass it along to Grampy where he'd finish it off. I can still see heads and insides plopping into the bucket. It was gross for me but it was something they loved and they did it together.
--Mom, Grammy, and I used to take day trips shopping together. We would head to Sturgis most often just to see what we could see.
--Grammy loved antiques. Her house is just about one big antique store. What a task to keep the kids away from all the trinkets but it was something she loved.
--She was so creative. She could sew, crochet, make something from just about anything. We all have music boxes that she crafted for us over the years. I just realized one of the bird cages in her house has a music box that she added. I don't think I knew that before. A few years back she even told me that we should open a craft store together. I wish that could have happened. It would have been something special.
--She was so loving and kind. Jeremy and I were privileged to live next to her and Grampy for a few years. When I was sick she would bring me hot tea, when she had leftovers she'd share them with us, when she got her mail she would bring me ours. She was so good at giving herself and made it look so easy.
I'll add things as they come back to me. Until I make it home...I'll treasure those moments we had on this earth and look forward to seeing her and Grampy again in heaven.
http://www.dutcherfh.com/book-of-memories/1903809/Olney-Maurine/obituary.php
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
Thursday, June 5, 2014
Thanks, Mom, For Never Telling Me...
I made an interesting discovery last night. Why I had never thought of it before I have no idea. I apparently have a third nipple. Yes, there really is such a thing.
I've always been aware of the mole-like-thing-but-not-a-mole near my armpit. I just never gave it too much thought. I almost have one on the other side but it isn't really developed and is more like a slice in my skin if that even makes sense. The one on my right side has a little crease that will sometimes get lint and the like in there. I was checking it out and noticed something wet coming from it. Ummm....that was totally weird. So, I did what every curious girl would do, and I squeezed on it a little more. There was more watery substance. It didn't take long for me to realize that it was breast milk coming from that spot. You heard me right. I have breast milk coming from a mole-like-thing-but-not-a-mole near my armpit. Definitely weird.
I went out to the living room so I could share my new news with the hubs. I think I started with, "I'm pretty sure I have a third nipple." Could you imagine the thoughts going through his mind. I told him about the breast milk and he even got up so he could come and see it. His words to me, "You should have that checked out."
So, I did what any girl would do and hopped on the internet to find out about third nipples. They do exist. One in about every fifty women have them. Why hadn't I heard about this before? Or why hadn't I ever considered that this thing might just be a third nipple? There are apparently "eight levels of completeness from a simple patch of hair to a milk-bearing breast in miniature" according to Wikipedia on Supernumerary Nipple. Oh, lucky me, I get the weirdo one that actually lactates.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supernumerary_nipple
Now, just to clarify, it isn't the size of my other ladies, it's just a small nub-like spot that most people probably wouldn't give a second glance. Now I think I find myself a bit more aware of it and unsure of what to do with it. It's in such a spot where a tank top will definitely show it off. I think that makes me a little uncomfortable given this recent discovery of what it actually is.
All I can say is thanks, Mom, for never telling me about my third nipple. I think she and I have a long conversation coming.
I've always been aware of the mole-like-thing-but-not-a-mole near my armpit. I just never gave it too much thought. I almost have one on the other side but it isn't really developed and is more like a slice in my skin if that even makes sense. The one on my right side has a little crease that will sometimes get lint and the like in there. I was checking it out and noticed something wet coming from it. Ummm....that was totally weird. So, I did what every curious girl would do, and I squeezed on it a little more. There was more watery substance. It didn't take long for me to realize that it was breast milk coming from that spot. You heard me right. I have breast milk coming from a mole-like-thing-but-not-a-mole near my armpit. Definitely weird.
I went out to the living room so I could share my new news with the hubs. I think I started with, "I'm pretty sure I have a third nipple." Could you imagine the thoughts going through his mind. I told him about the breast milk and he even got up so he could come and see it. His words to me, "You should have that checked out."
So, I did what any girl would do and hopped on the internet to find out about third nipples. They do exist. One in about every fifty women have them. Why hadn't I heard about this before? Or why hadn't I ever considered that this thing might just be a third nipple? There are apparently "eight levels of completeness from a simple patch of hair to a milk-bearing breast in miniature" according to Wikipedia on Supernumerary Nipple. Oh, lucky me, I get the weirdo one that actually lactates.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supernumerary_nipple
Now, just to clarify, it isn't the size of my other ladies, it's just a small nub-like spot that most people probably wouldn't give a second glance. Now I think I find myself a bit more aware of it and unsure of what to do with it. It's in such a spot where a tank top will definitely show it off. I think that makes me a little uncomfortable given this recent discovery of what it actually is.
All I can say is thanks, Mom, for never telling me about my third nipple. I think she and I have a long conversation coming.
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
When He Speaks...
This past weekend was a strange one. After going to bed Friday night, I woke up around 1 a.m. to feed Nell. As I got back in bed and laid on my side, I instantly had a tightness in my chest, the feeling of my stomach dropping, and a strange numbness going through my right arm. I had no idea what was going on. I sat up as the strange feeling in my arm continued. I was also getting flush every few minutes or so. This was not a pleasant feeling. I am almost convinced that I threw myself into a panic/anxiety attack as my mind starting considering the possibilities of what was happening to me.
Jeremy had fallen asleep in Nell's room with her since she had cried out during this episode of mine. I quietly went in and woke him so that I could share how strange I was feeling. I just felt the need to head to the local ER to get things checked out. I even had chewed half of an aspirin and drank some water. Of course the number one thought was that I might be having a heart attack. At 33, is that even possible?!
I drove to our local ER and I'm sure they thought I was crazy. The nurse even asked me what I thought might be happening. I think she was trying to help me realize that I probably was not having a heart attack. One can't help but have a ton of thoughts flooding through about whether or not this is it. I don't know what was going on with me. I just knew I didn't feel right.
After being there for a few hours and having an X-Ray, blood work, and an EKG, which ruled out a heart attack, I was starting to settle down a bit. My arm still felt strange along with my back and neck. The doctor told me everything looked fine and sent me on my way with instructions to come back if the tightness came back.
The next day was better. I still felt a little off. Then it hit me. No, not the heart attack (still thanking the Lord for that one), but possibly the real reason for the strangeness. I started reading about nerve damage and nerve issues which had symptoms very similar to mine. I am not surprised that this may be the cause to all of this. I have been either wearing a nursing bra or a nursing tank for the last 9+ months. I even have indentations in my shoulders from this.
That evening, I went to bed with a t-shirt and no nursing tank. I needed to let these shoulders 'breathe.' I felt so much better in the morning. Physically, that is. Emotionally I was still quite a wreck. I had 'heard' some Bible verses the night before but kind of wrote it off thinking I would look them up tomorrow. Well, as tomorrow came and I was sitting in my rocking chair, I very clearly 'heard' those verses again. Psalm 34:14 and Psalm 34:4. With that, I grabbed my Bible (The Message) to read these verses. You see, things like this have happened before and then I chalk it up to my mind just making something up. BUT when I read these verses, I knew it was God speaking to me.
The Message
Psalm 34:14 "Turn your back on sin; do something good. Embrace peace--don't let it get away!"
Psalm 34:4 "God met me more than halfway, he freed me from my anxious fears."
WOW.
Yes, that was totally God. I needed peace and I needed to meet Him halfway so that he could free me from my anxious fears. Before reading these verses, I was fearful. I was anxious. I was definitely not at peace. I'm so thankful that I listened to Him and grabbed my Bible. After reading and re-reading this and then the NIV version, I was at peace. He did calm my anxious fears. What an awesome God He is.
NIV
Psalm 34:14 "Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it."
Psalm 34:4 "I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears."
Double WOW.
So as my anxious thoughts reappear I put my focus back on these verses and His promise to free me from it.
I found myself praying a lot these past few days. I also found myself realizing that I need to make some changes. You see, I have an addiction. My addiction is sugar. If I make a dessert, I tend to eat most of it. If I have chocolate around, I tend to eat most of it. You get the picture, right? You see, I was asking God to help me with this just a couple days before my strange episode. I am pretty sure He had a hand in this to help me wake up and realize the bad choices I was making for my body and that if I continue this road, the realization of a heart attack (or diabetes, etc.) would be real and not just something that might be happening to me.
I've since changed my eating habits quite a bit. I still struggle. I even had some pizza. But this time I stopped at two slices and that was enough. I listen to the cues my body is giving me. I made chicken quesadillas last night. I was almost half way through mine when I realized that I was full. Since sweets are a real downfall for me, I bought some dark chocolate squares. I have limited myself to one a day and have followed through with it. I feel better. I even think my skin is looking better. Imagine how I will feel in a month.
I'm so thankful. I'm thankful that I have an awesome God who still speaks to us today.
When He Speaks, I Will Listen.
Jeremy had fallen asleep in Nell's room with her since she had cried out during this episode of mine. I quietly went in and woke him so that I could share how strange I was feeling. I just felt the need to head to the local ER to get things checked out. I even had chewed half of an aspirin and drank some water. Of course the number one thought was that I might be having a heart attack. At 33, is that even possible?!
I drove to our local ER and I'm sure they thought I was crazy. The nurse even asked me what I thought might be happening. I think she was trying to help me realize that I probably was not having a heart attack. One can't help but have a ton of thoughts flooding through about whether or not this is it. I don't know what was going on with me. I just knew I didn't feel right.
After being there for a few hours and having an X-Ray, blood work, and an EKG, which ruled out a heart attack, I was starting to settle down a bit. My arm still felt strange along with my back and neck. The doctor told me everything looked fine and sent me on my way with instructions to come back if the tightness came back.
The next day was better. I still felt a little off. Then it hit me. No, not the heart attack (still thanking the Lord for that one), but possibly the real reason for the strangeness. I started reading about nerve damage and nerve issues which had symptoms very similar to mine. I am not surprised that this may be the cause to all of this. I have been either wearing a nursing bra or a nursing tank for the last 9+ months. I even have indentations in my shoulders from this.
That evening, I went to bed with a t-shirt and no nursing tank. I needed to let these shoulders 'breathe.' I felt so much better in the morning. Physically, that is. Emotionally I was still quite a wreck. I had 'heard' some Bible verses the night before but kind of wrote it off thinking I would look them up tomorrow. Well, as tomorrow came and I was sitting in my rocking chair, I very clearly 'heard' those verses again. Psalm 34:14 and Psalm 34:4. With that, I grabbed my Bible (The Message) to read these verses. You see, things like this have happened before and then I chalk it up to my mind just making something up. BUT when I read these verses, I knew it was God speaking to me.
The Message
Psalm 34:14 "Turn your back on sin; do something good. Embrace peace--don't let it get away!"
Psalm 34:4 "God met me more than halfway, he freed me from my anxious fears."
WOW.
Yes, that was totally God. I needed peace and I needed to meet Him halfway so that he could free me from my anxious fears. Before reading these verses, I was fearful. I was anxious. I was definitely not at peace. I'm so thankful that I listened to Him and grabbed my Bible. After reading and re-reading this and then the NIV version, I was at peace. He did calm my anxious fears. What an awesome God He is.
NIV
Psalm 34:14 "Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it."
Psalm 34:4 "I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears."
Double WOW.
So as my anxious thoughts reappear I put my focus back on these verses and His promise to free me from it.
I found myself praying a lot these past few days. I also found myself realizing that I need to make some changes. You see, I have an addiction. My addiction is sugar. If I make a dessert, I tend to eat most of it. If I have chocolate around, I tend to eat most of it. You get the picture, right? You see, I was asking God to help me with this just a couple days before my strange episode. I am pretty sure He had a hand in this to help me wake up and realize the bad choices I was making for my body and that if I continue this road, the realization of a heart attack (or diabetes, etc.) would be real and not just something that might be happening to me.
I've since changed my eating habits quite a bit. I still struggle. I even had some pizza. But this time I stopped at two slices and that was enough. I listen to the cues my body is giving me. I made chicken quesadillas last night. I was almost half way through mine when I realized that I was full. Since sweets are a real downfall for me, I bought some dark chocolate squares. I have limited myself to one a day and have followed through with it. I feel better. I even think my skin is looking better. Imagine how I will feel in a month.
I'm so thankful. I'm thankful that I have an awesome God who still speaks to us today.
When He Speaks, I Will Listen.
Monday, May 5, 2014
Here I Go
Here I am with a blog. I decided to just go ahead and do it. I don't know what all I will share but it will be straight from the heart. You may wonder where 'Outobutter' comes from for my blog name. I don't have a fancy explanation. One day in college I needed a screen name and that is what was born. Therefore, I thought it only fitting to keep it rather than come up with some other clever name. :)
This week will begin our first payment toward debt reduction in a big way. Hubs and I are on a mission. We want to get rid of our debt (other than the mortgage) in 3 1/2 years. I'm a little bit embarrassed to share that we have almost $58,000 in debt. Nine years of college combined, two newer cars, and a personal loan for the woodstove have led us to this point. We know it needs to change. I've laid out a plan and we are moving forward with excitement.
I actually really enjoy budgeting and the like. Maybe I missed a calling to help others with debt?? Perhaps this could be a way for me to help on a smaller scale. I would love for my mistakes and accomplishments to be an inspiration for others. If we can set up a plan to get rid of $58,000 of debt in three and a half years, I'm certain that you can make a plan to do the same. Do I expect everything to go smoothly? I think that would be foolish. However, I do plan to stick to our budget and do my part to make sure we can follow this plan to the best of our abilities.
First thing is first, according to Dave Ramsey, is to set aside $1000 in an emergency fund. Check. Thankfully, we were able to take money from our taxes to have this done quickly. It may take some of you months to accomplish this. It's okay. We all need to start somewhere. Truth is, there will be things that come up along the way. Instead of having to take away from what we are paying on our loans, we will have the emergency fund for that. A few ideas to get that emergency fund ready would be to have a garage sale, sell things on Craigslist or eBay, trim the grocery or eating out budget, or simply stop buying those things we want but that we don't actually need. There will be time for that later on. I recently re-evaluated our eating out budget. I was budgeting $120/month. After I started a menu that we stick to, we now eat out about once every two weeks. I can cut that budget in half and instantly save $60/month. That ends up being $720/year. Wow! So much money is wasted from eating out and we want to use that pay off debt!
Here's what our first goal looks like:
Student Loan #1: Current payoff is $4505.15 with 5.375% interest
With our first paycheck for the month of May we will be paying $631.53. The goal is to pay that each month and have this loan paid off in November of this year instead of paying $100 payment for another five years. Once this loan is paid off we will take the $631.53 and add it to what is already being paid on another loan. In this case, it will be our loan on the woodstove. We're tackling the lowest loan first, no matter the interest rate.
I also like the idea of sharing this all in a blog to help keep myself accountable. My family and our future is worth it. So is yours.
This week will begin our first payment toward debt reduction in a big way. Hubs and I are on a mission. We want to get rid of our debt (other than the mortgage) in 3 1/2 years. I'm a little bit embarrassed to share that we have almost $58,000 in debt. Nine years of college combined, two newer cars, and a personal loan for the woodstove have led us to this point. We know it needs to change. I've laid out a plan and we are moving forward with excitement.
I actually really enjoy budgeting and the like. Maybe I missed a calling to help others with debt?? Perhaps this could be a way for me to help on a smaller scale. I would love for my mistakes and accomplishments to be an inspiration for others. If we can set up a plan to get rid of $58,000 of debt in three and a half years, I'm certain that you can make a plan to do the same. Do I expect everything to go smoothly? I think that would be foolish. However, I do plan to stick to our budget and do my part to make sure we can follow this plan to the best of our abilities.
First thing is first, according to Dave Ramsey, is to set aside $1000 in an emergency fund. Check. Thankfully, we were able to take money from our taxes to have this done quickly. It may take some of you months to accomplish this. It's okay. We all need to start somewhere. Truth is, there will be things that come up along the way. Instead of having to take away from what we are paying on our loans, we will have the emergency fund for that. A few ideas to get that emergency fund ready would be to have a garage sale, sell things on Craigslist or eBay, trim the grocery or eating out budget, or simply stop buying those things we want but that we don't actually need. There will be time for that later on. I recently re-evaluated our eating out budget. I was budgeting $120/month. After I started a menu that we stick to, we now eat out about once every two weeks. I can cut that budget in half and instantly save $60/month. That ends up being $720/year. Wow! So much money is wasted from eating out and we want to use that pay off debt!
Here's what our first goal looks like:
Student Loan #1: Current payoff is $4505.15 with 5.375% interest
With our first paycheck for the month of May we will be paying $631.53. The goal is to pay that each month and have this loan paid off in November of this year instead of paying $100 payment for another five years. Once this loan is paid off we will take the $631.53 and add it to what is already being paid on another loan. In this case, it will be our loan on the woodstove. We're tackling the lowest loan first, no matter the interest rate.
I also like the idea of sharing this all in a blog to help keep myself accountable. My family and our future is worth it. So is yours.
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